Remember when you got your first cavity? A needle was stuck in your mouth to numb you, and then you had to sit there for hours while the dentist drilled into your tooth and all you could smell was your tooth being chipped away? And at the end you really didn't feel any better, but the dentist took your money anyway? Well you weren't actually at the dentist my friend. You had just gone and saw a Twilight film.
Now I try not to be a hater. I watch every movie before I judge it, even Bring It On. I love vampire and werewolf films, but this saga has given vampire and werewolf films a bad name. The books would have been enough for me to bare, but when you fill my movie theaters with Kristen Stewart as the most horrible, fictional, female character ever for several years it's on! Hey Bella, there's a lady called Princess Leia, and if you had been stranded in the Death Star with her she probably would have shot you over the stormtroopers!
Now where was I? Oh yes, the new Twilight movie. In Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 Bella had given birth to a half-vampire, half-human, child. Then she herself was turned into a vampire, despite what here werewolf friend, a.k.a the best character in this whole saga, wanted. Bella's daughter, Renesmee, is growing so fast that Bella and Edward fear she may die too soon. But that's not their biggest problem. The vampire bullies, The Volturi, think the Cullens broke some vampire law by turning a child and they're out to kill them. So the Cullens must gather vampire witnesses to their cause in order to save themselves. But that's still not Bella and Edward's biggest problem. Jacob, the werewolf who used to have the hots for Bella, now has the hots for her daughter; he imprinted. Jacob sure does love Edward's ladies.
Now I'll start off by saying if you liked the other Twilight films, you'll like this one. If you're a fan of Twilight, you'll like this one. If you you have a picture of Robert Pattinson by you're bed and you kiss it every night before you go to sleep, you'll like this one. (The) One thing I've like about these films is, just like the Harry Potter series, the actors got better at acting as the film progressed, which made the films better as they went on. Don't get me wrong, Kristen Stewart is still pretty bad, but not as bad as the first film. And Edward no longer looks constipated all the time. Seriously, they have gotten better. I fell asleep in the theater during New Moon. Me! Asleep in the theater!
All the guest vampires did a fine job of portraying their small parts, but to me these didn't seem like vampires. The Twilight world features vampires with x-tra gifts on top of being fast, really strong, and suck lots of blood. Edward can read people's minds and Alice can see the future. But this film takes it to a whole new level! One vamp can electrocute people, another can make you see things, and one can even control the four elements. I felt like I was watching X-Men, not vampires. God doesn't give with both hands Ms. Meyer! Either they're immortal creatures who live forever, or they should be standing beside Iron Man and Thor fighting Loki; you can't have both! Oh, and f.y.i., don't CGI baby faces to match the character later, it didn't look good in Tron: Legacy and looks worse in this film!
WARNING: FROM THIS POINT SPOILERS WILL BE TOLD! So the whole film the Cullens are gathering vampires to help them fight The Volturi, which was pretty boring. But then the fight came, people started dying, and main characters started dying! I knew in the books their really was no fight, but as an avid movie-goer I knew their had to be some action. I was loving it, the film had done a complete 180. The Earth was literally swallowing people whole! And just as the fight was over, turns out the whole battle was a dream. The coolest part in five films and didn't actually happen. I know it wouldn't have followed the book, but when you spend an hour preparing for a massive battle and possible casualties the most logical outcome is a massive battle with casualties!
Now all the Twilight lovers will probably come back with a Hayden Christensen references, but I'm discussing your favorite film saga, not mine. The film ended with a spread of all the actors from all five films, which was nice. It seemed like definitive closer for the franchise. God, I hope so. More Star Wars movies have been announced and I pray that the same will not come true for Twilight years from now. The last thing I need is my daughter thinking her perfect guy needs to be Edward Cullen. It's bad enough one generation has cemented their spot in marriage counseling thanks to these films, we don't need another to do the same. So in closing, Twilight is over and I hope that it, and Kristen Stewart, will never be seen on a movie theater again!
